The ever changing life, family and the callouses that have kept us safe.

So a lot has been going on over the last two weeks. Our son came back from college and our exchange student daughter is getting ready to head back to Holland here over the next couple of days.  The girls have also finished up school so we have been running around like crazy to get everyone situated in our house. Currently my wife sleeps with our youngest I sleep in the room with my son and our two others have their own rooms. Needless to say the house is in shambles and we are stepping over everything to get to anything.

Its been super fun having another person in the house that we got to know and grew to love. It will be a sad day to see her go but I am sure we will run into her one way or another over time! And well the internet makes it that we will probably always stay in contact with her. We only wish her the best in life here on out and hopefully she takes a little bit of the love we showed her and shares it with her side of the world!

Having our son back at our house has been interesting. He’s a completely different person. All grown up and trying to make a way in this life for himself. He’s become very responsible with his school work and getting a job for the summer time. He’s delivering pizzas and seems to be enjoying it! I mean who doesn’t like to get paid at the end of the night in cash!

Having him back in the house has presented it’s challenges. Him and I hang out a lot and have been regularly since he got back. Its been interesting because his world view is a lot stronger in his own heart and mine a lot weaker it seems. We don’t see eye to eye on many things but we are able to have good conversations and arguments. Something he has thanked me for. Its actually been a rough couple weeks for me simply because thats my boy my first born and now he is his own person. So much like me and his mother and so much not like me and his mother. We have gone back and forth over a few things and came to realize there were a lot of things that he was saying that felt very negative to me. Words that hurt my heart on how I run my business and how silly my own personal worldview is. It all came to a screeching halt just the other night in what became a point where I had to tell him that many of the things he was saying was truly hurting my heart. I cried a lot, thinking to myself where did I go wrong how did I fail this kid that he thinks these things of me. Or completely disregards everything I taught him growing up( not everything but thats what it feels like). I felt like a failure and in all of this I couldn’t help but think of my own mother.

My mom is a wonderful lady but when I was a young man I can remember that I wasn’t much different than my own son. I said very mean things to my mother. I laughed at her faith and mocked her God. I called her nasty names and told her the way she did business was “old school or archaic”. I felt the pain my mother felt from me in my own son. I could see and feel her broken heart from her point of view now. And the emotion was overwhelming. Not only had I felt like I was wronged but also came to terms with how I treated her badly and how she continued to love me. My relationship with my mother has never been better than it has since I was about 28. Prior to that it was pretty rocky.  But we have by Gods grace made amends and have a wonderful relationship now. We can talk and not argue we can disagree and still love each other.

I wanted to call her the day I was feeling all of these emotions but I knew she would just remind me of when I was a young man and how I made her feel. And to be honest I didn’t need to talk to her. Why? Because she had already told me and taught me how to handle the situation. She would say “Mijo you’re going to have to spend a lot of time on your knees praying for your family!” One thing my mom has always been faithful with is praying for my siblings and myself. To be honest I feel its the only reason we have made it this far. So many nights out driving around when I shouldn’t have been. So many chances to be in the wrong place at the wrong time but for some reason I felt the urge to leave before the nights problems would occur. So many broken and angry hearts. So many nights where everything could of gone wrong but it didn’t. Many people may laugh at me and disregard what I believe to be true as a fools folly but thats ok. Im not to worried about it.

My mom has these callouses on her knees, they are right at the point of her knees on her kneecaps and they are dark as we are dark complected people. It looks like she’s been laying tile her whole life with no knee pads on.  I know that the callouses my mom formed on her knees 20 years or so ago are what kept us all safe at the end of the day. And I know now that those same callouses will keep us safe today and into the future. Not only for myself but for my family. I look at my own knees now and they are soft not a callous in sight. And as my family gets bigger and they are starting to live their own lives maybe I have to focus more on building my own callouses. Because there will be nights when my own kids shouldn’t be driving around. There will be situations that arise that they may need a nudge telling them to get out of a situation as fast as possible. There may be times where their hearts are broken and too afraid or embarrassed to call home and ask for advice or help. Either way I want my kids to know that when they get older that the reason they are still around and safe is because of the callouses on my knees. Praying for their safety praying for their broken hearts or overwhelmed minds. And then perhaps at that time in their lives and my son talking with his own son he will remember the callouses and will start to make his own.

Us.

Im almost 40, She is farther from 40 than I am. Im always the old one in our relationship for at least 6 months out of the year. We married young and six months into our marriage we had our first kid. He’s almost 20, our next is 15 and the youngest is 2. Yeah she’s 2 we started all over again. Over the past 20 years with my wife we have gone through various stages in our relations ship. And Ill be honest most of the time it was not easy. It still isn’t but we are doing it together and have been doing it together even if it meant sticking around when we really didn’t want to.

After 20 years we are still trying to figure each other out. I mean she knows me and I know her but with 3 kids of varying ages you can kind of lose yourself.  Even worse lose who we were together. In marriage you can get into a bit of a Im right match or a Ill do what I want match or even worse the they aren’t doing enough match. Neither of these matches ever end well and most of the time they just end up in a fight and broken hearts and or on my end drunken nights on her end endless days of just being angry at me or at life.

We didn’t know what in the hell we were doing, hell we didn’t know who we were. We had both just gotten out of high school. Who in their right mind knows who they are as a person at 18-20 years old? No one right? Think about it. Who you were at 20 was not who you were at lets say 28 or even who you are now at what ever age. Life comes and positions change. Sometimes adding to our own hipocracy. Our religious affiliations, our friends, our political stances our jobs our houses. Life is constantly changing and in all this life you either change or fail miserably.

So we change unwillingly, sometimes to our detriment sometimes to our betterment. We are at a point in our lives now 20 years into our marriage where we want to change for the better. Why you say? Well because we’re tired of being assholes to each other and well this little two year old that we were suprised with really opened up a relationship we thought was done with many many years ago. Her presence in our lives has really forced us to learn each other again and we both were old enough and mature enough to see a little bit further than we had previously been able to.

So with that little intro I wanted to set up a blog where we talked about the two of us dating again. Yep we are dating and its been wonderful. I call her up say hey girl you want to grab a bite to eat with me tonight? Most of the time she says yes. I get home from work. Our 15 year old is so gracious to take care of her little sister so we say our good byes and we go out. While we get ready to head out I ask what she would like and like normal she says she doesn’t care. So I pick a place. (Men pick the place ahead of time actually pick two because she does care but she wants to know you know where you want to go first). We have tried many new local restaurants and thats one of our favorite things to do. I pick something she picks something we share our food and talk about the service, the decor and the quality of food. Along side that we talk about our family our schedules and whats going on in our lives. It has been a great pleasure to get to know her again and get back on the same page.Its kind of crazy but its been twenty years and now we are dating!